Everyone sees areas in their relationships where they can envision things being different or perhaps better than they are at this particular point in time. This of course calls for change. What kind of change is to take place is more in one's control then they may think. Will that be evolution or revolution is a good question to address as one selects the method of change they would like to put in place.

In adult relationships where we wish to initiate change I often say, pick your method,

Would you like this change to occur by evolution (mutation and adaptation of the relationship over a period of time?)
or
by revolution? (You know, like the Russian Revolution.. Quick.. All systems fired up.... the uprising of the oppressed!!!)

Either is possible. Which you choose may depend on a vast number of variables in your life and in the particular relationship within which you want the changes to take place.

Consider the following in selecting the method of change:

What's at stake in creating the change?

Who you are. Are you generally a slow and steady individual who will be acting out of character if you initiate a revolution for change, or would a revolution further make your point? Are you always exploding in a revolutionary way and is it time to take the slow (I'm serious this time, not just having a hissy fit) but steady route.

How you operate. Can you maintain a position over a period of time while others change, modify and begin to accommodate?

How long you have wanted change. Are you at your wits end? Have you already tried one or the other method. Are you now in a new position and sure of yourself?

Are you good at or prepared for taking risks? Initiating change is always risky. Revolution is a more risky method of change. Be clear what's at risk if you do, and what's at risk if you don't.

Have you defined the change you want (from_______ to_______). Do either of the methods of change better suit the cause? If this is about being abused perhaps revolutionary change needs to take place to recreate the relationship. If this is about kids getting themselves ready for bed, evolutions may need to take place. The process of change should suit the desired outcome.

TRY THIS.............

Think about an adult relationship in which you want change.

Do I do this slowly, subtly, juggling, thinking, rethinking, measuring gradual changes toward relationship change goals,

or,

Do I see what I want and go after it quickly with a goal or goals in place and see where I ( and in relationships we ) land.... standing in the rubble of something old, now gone, rebuilding quickly in a new place, post-revolution relationship with new hopes and possibly new goals?

Time is a big factor .... is this the right time for success? Is there a right time? Will I take action then?

Issue is a big factor. If this doesn't change or I don't address it, can I continue in the this relationship without the change? Am I willing to continue without the required change?

Some problems lend themselves to certain types of change. Ask yourself, would I tell my friend (if they had this same item they wanted to change in their adult relationship) that this is a situation most suited to evolutionary change or revolutionary change?

Your choice of evolution or revolution may depend on your position in the lifecycle, which stage in life you are in as you begin to contemplate creating this relationship change. We often associate certain methods with particular life stages, for example we associate adolescents with revolutionary methods, new moms with evolutionary methods, mid-lifers (middlescents) with revolutionary methods, and older folks with evolutionary methods. Some times a revolution in a mature relationship is just what was called for to create positive and life enhancing changes for both partners to spend the rest of their days harmoniously together. This appears out of character but in fact may have been what was always necessary, and now is a welcome time in everyone's life.

SEPARATION AS A CHANGE IN ADULT
RELATIONSHIPS : EVOLUTION AND REVOLUTION

Looking out in our lives we see a lot of separation in couple relationships. Looking at these relationships can provide examples to us. In situations where marital separation has been an outcome, the two methods of change are almost exaggerated. The separation that has been the result of evolution, (slow, boring, we saw it coming, I knew when he did this or she said that last year.....) A sentence to balance the rebuilding sentence (after revolution) needs to be here and the separation that has been the result of a revolution (He what??? She's where???) with all of the rubble and rebuilding that needs to start the day after.

Just impulsively saying, That's it!, I've had enough!, next time, from now on, if they ever! These statements will not be enough to truly create relationship changes that may enhance your current sense of well being. I suggest pick a desired outcome, a method to suit and develop a real plan for change. Is change always better? NO. It's change. Better is a whole other area to look at.