Sometimes people will talk about happiness or being happy and come to realizations about their lives, their past relationships & the kinds of things upon which they have focused their energy.

Here's a few thoughts and a poem about happy!

Many people in relationships are busy arguing about "right and wrong" and never learn to make the choice between "right and happy." Right and wrong is an argument. Right and happy is a way to make choices.

I think I'm right but If I continue to argue and make my point then I will wind up right and fighting. Today I think I'm right but I want to pick happy so I'm letting this go.

For some happy is seen as a luxury rather than a necessity. They say things like "Must be nice to worry about happy instead of food and rent." They generally don't understand much about happy and think that only rich people are happy people. Realizing that people with problems, people who are poor, etc. are also happy can reinforce some positive thinking about your chances of experiencing and feeling happiness.

Money can't buy happiness.

The opposite of happy is not unhappy or sad.

Unhappy and sad are feelings on their own. The opposite of happy is the absence of happy, never really having the feeling.

Happiness is in the present. Try living in the present. People who spend large amounts of time worrying about the past or the future rarely experience high levels of happiness. Living in the present is necessary for experiencing happiness.

This might make finding happiness more difficult for people who are anxious because they worry and they often live their lives in the past (regrets, should haves, etc.) and in the future (what if..) People who are anxious are often encouraged to try and live in the present. Living in the present brings less worry AND is an opportunity for happiness too!

Happiness is a part of a process, not an outcome. Reaching goals and meeting objectives in life is important. Getting to certain successful places in your life is important. But, factoring in happiness along the way makes the journey worth the work.

If you are thinking happy will be here as soon as.....
     some event is over
          or some debt is paid
               or an event takes place (lose those 15 pounds!)

then you are delaying happiness (not working towards it) and will have to face the possibility that happiness may never come.

Delaying happiness looks a lot like working towards it, until you realize happiness is in the present (and therefore how can I work towards it in the future?). You can work towards Aliving more in the present" as a way of getting rid of this entire dilemma.

I hope we get there, meet our goal, etc. but we should be happy while we are working towards it, just in case we don't get there!

Most of the time, how we get there turns out to be as important as if we get there. I call this the "if and how formula".

THE IF AND HOW FORMULA

In this case it work like this:

IF we get there and we have been happy during the moments along the way, what a great journey.
AND
IF we don't get there and we have been happy during the moments along the way, what a great journey.

Yes, one is better that the other. Neither is What if we get there and don't think about happy and then find out we're not happy? What's that?

(More on the IF & HOW FORMULA at a future date!)

"I'M JUST NOT HAPPY"

Sometimes AI'm just not happy" is a great place to start assessing what's going on in your life and what is next in your life, in your day, in the moment.

The first question is not

A better first question is something like:

"Have I ever been happy or am I starting from scratch in the happy department?"

OR

"What is my capacity for happiness?"

Sometimes people will move on, or end a relationship, or act impulsively without asking these questions first. I call this the lost art of thinking. Thinking about happiness and assessing one's capacity for happiness should happen before decisions to change the outside world in order to feel happy are put in place. Sometimes getting to happy is an evolution, and some times it's a revolution. Think, assess, change. If happy escapes you time and again, consider evolution as a way of change first.

Happy Strategies

1. Make happy a priority. Do the assessing. Take inventory. Think.

2. Surround yourself with happy things. Positive memories, friends, pictures from fun trips.

3. Watch comedy. Laugh. Go to light movies. Do things that make people happy. Use that part of yourself.

4. Check out if you are "anxious" or an "anxious person" and get to work on this before you start looking towards happy.
   Anxiety is very specific and getting through it is really important before you can be at the calm place people call happy.

5. Happy hour is not about happiness. If you need alcohol, drugs or other things to "make you happy" than you are missing the point. It happens. I am talking about happy as a feeling, not about being stoned or drunk or loosened up, or buzzed or sloshed or that "happy." You know what I mean. Try looking at happy without all of that stuff.

6. Ask life questions about happiness by reading, looking around you, finding stories (Chicken Soup books!) and places where people lift their spirits and find room for happiness.

Happiness Poem
     By Anonymous

(I like this poem and I also like the song Happiness Is from the Musical You're A Good Man Charlie Brown, but I think I'd need permission to post the words to the song here..... Other people have told me how much they like this poem too!

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married. When we're married, we think things will be better when we have a baby. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough for us to relax, but we know we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire.
The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.
A great quote on this very subject comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said, "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin, real life. But there are always some obstacles in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life." This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment that you have. And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time... and remember that time waits for no one.
Stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until fall, until winter, until you are on welfare, until you are off welfare, until the first or the fifteenth to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy.