This section is designed to provide a working definition of couple intimacy and to explore the uses and misuses of the word sex.

There are 3 "spheres" or "circles" of intimacy for couples. They are:

• Emotional Intimacy
• Physical Intimacy
• Sexual Intimacy

Emotional Intimacy implies a close emotional and personal connection in the relationship that feels, according to most, safe and close. In emotionally intimate relationships we often hear of shared experiences, expression of feelings and thoughts and ideas with a sense of freedom and acceptance.

Physical Intimacy describes people who share space, touch, enjoy the comfort of their own bodies. They hold hands, massage feet, help each other in a way that touching and physically being together is often described as safe and comfortable.

Sexual Intimacy describes adults who are in a consensual private sexual relationship. Like all forms of intimacy, there are "degrees" of intimacy. Most describe the very intimate as "making love" and the less intimate as "having sex".

Sexual intimacy does not just define the act of making love or having sex. Couples flirting, discussing fantasies, gesturing in sexual or intimate ways can also be about sexual intimacy.

All three may exist on their own or with one another in a variety of close relationships. Generally one can be emotionally intimate with lots of people and physically intimate with lots of people. In a close adult relationship (couple) the relationship which has the emotional and the physical intimacy along with sexual intimacy creates a strong adult couple bond.

When people say "we haven't been intimate in weeks." They usually mean "we haven't had sex in weeks." When people say "we haven't had sex" in weeks, they usually mean "we haven't had intercourse in weeks."

Let's Listen In . . . .

Joe:	"So, how's it going?"
Martha:	"Al lost his job and we've been so busy, he's been so upset, we've been up late talking, hugging and praying every night. We haven't been intimate in weeks.

Really in terms of intimacy this means:

Emotional Intimacy	+++
Physical Intimacy	+++
Sexual Intimacy	-

Then Al says,	"There was that night we hugged and you were really making me feel good until, well, you know."
Martha:	"Yes dear, but we haven't had sex in a few weeks."
Al:	I think what I described was a kind of sex dear."

Sex????     Intimacy????

If things in your relationship are going well, then you probably don't need to know all of this, but it might be useful. If things aren't going well, for any number of different reasons, then knowing about intimacy, the kinds of intimacy and what "sex" means in a broader fashion may be helpful.