Joe Rich , M.S.W., R.S.W.
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ISSUES AND PROBLEMS:

UNDERSTANDING AND DIFFERENTIATING BETWEEN THE TWO

Sometimes we get busy thinking everything is a problem and lose sight of the fact that certain situations normally or naturally lend themselves to certain dilemmas. Deciding how to classify an event, a series of events, misunderstandings, and feelings, may be the first step to moving through them to get to a healthier spot. When issues are approached as problems or, inversely, when problems are approached as issues, you may discover you're stuck at an impasse before the solving or resolving begins!

I have a problem means this doesn't work right and I need a solution to fix it.

I have an issue means that this works in a way that I'd like to improve upon and it needs some degree of resolution.

I first learned about the difference between a problem and an issue when I did some specialized training and work with families experiencing the transitions of separation, divorce and remarriage. How could all of these great kids and their families (most of whom were nice, smart, successful and reasonable in a number of areas) otherwise quite problem-free, all of a sudden have so many problems? Turns out most of them didn't have that many problems, they just had the issues and conflicts common to families of separation, divorce and remarriage. Lots of things for us to resolve, very few absolute solutions for absolute problems.

For example.........

Alcoholism is a problem. The family and the individual need a solution. The solution is not drinking.

Continued drinking = continued problem.

Lies are a problem. Truth is the road to the solution.

Continued lies = continued problem.

My husband works too hard, we have a new baby and we need to spend time together is an issue (of young urban couples who are new parents). It needs to be resolved. There are varying degrees of resolution based on budget, interest on both parts in spending time together, the child's well-being and special needs, the nature of the work schedule, etc.

We have five kids, its hard to give everyone lots of individual attention is an issue (of big families). It needs to be resolved one child and one day at a time.

I am the youngest of 4 sisters and even as an adult I am the Baby is an issue (of 4th sisters who are the youngest). It needs to be resolved through time, one sister at a time, to differing degrees of satisfaction throughout.

My baby sister is out of control and even as an adult she goes into fits of rage and yells at us screaming obscenities, is a problem. A solution is necessary which may involve anger management, self-control and possibly relationship counselling to heal the years of this behaviour and the underlying feelings and fears. This needs a solution at the least.

IF ITS A PROBLEM???The better the solution, the faster the solution, the more direct the solution, the better.
IF ITS AN ISSUE?????Resolution means working towards a better end or series of endings where the pieces that are in place remain in place and all continue on their way to healthier spots. Degrees of resolution may be acceptable. Better is not always that clear.

PLACES WHERE WE COMMONLY SEE PROBLEMS AND CAN CONSIDER THE IDEA THAT THESE ARE ACTUALLY ISSUES:

    New JobSpending somewhat irresponsibly
    False sense of independence
    NewlywedsAdjustment to married life
    Giving up of self (single self)
    Accountability as restricting
    New ParentsExhaustion
    More fights
    No time for each other
    Feelings of inadequacy and guilt
    Feelings (husband/dad) of being 2nd,
    replaced or excluded
    Death of A Loved OneGrief stricken, hard to make decisions
    Guilt
    Anger Profound sadness
    Separation/DivorceDepression
    Overwhelmed
    Inadequate, doubtful, helpless
    Loss, loss of self and family
    RemarriageDisappointment
    Unmet Expectations / Failure

I call these the issues we might face in certain situations normal. For example there is:

  • new job normal
  • newlywed normal
  • new parents normal
  • death of a loved one normal
  • separation/divorce normal
  • remarriage normal

IMAGINE, ALL OF THIS AND YOU'RE STILL PROBLEM-FREE.
YOU'RE NORMAL!

So.....

IT'S NOT PSYCHIATRIC IN NATURE. NO AFFAIRS. NO CRIMES. NO ADDICTIONS. NO DEPRESSIONS, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. ITS NOT RESULTING IN POVERTY OR ALIENATION OR INCARCERATION.

Perhaps.......

IT'S LIFE. IT'S LIFE EVENTS AND CHOICES. IT'S ISSUES.

HERE'S A FINAL STATEMENT. HOPE IT ILLUSTRATES THE POINT.

THE MARRIAGE WAS A PROBLEM. IN THE MARRIAGE COUNSELLING I KNEW THESE WERE NOT THE ISSUES OF MARRIAGE BUT WERE SERIOUS PROBLEMS MY HUSBAND WOULD NOT FACE. EVENTUALLY ONE OF THE SOLUTIONS LOOKED AT WAS SEPARATION.

NOW I'M SEPARATED. I HAVE THE ISSUES OF SEPARATION TO FACE EVERY DAY. I HAVE NO PROBLEMS.